| By Carolina Sam
Recently, a lot of hot air has been blown within the D.C. Beltway pundit class about what the 115th Congress should prioritize during the first 100 days of the Trump Administration. While some have advocated for a vigorous debate over the Affordable Care Act, others have called for the introduction of legislation on infrastructure, immigration, and entitlement or tax reform.
Who CARES?! I just want my elected official to dab.
Take it from me. I’m a swing state voter, and I know what I want from my public servants. I want authenticity, where I can see the real person in front of the camera. I want an iconoclast who can shake up the system they have no experience in. I want honesty, someone who will tell it to me straight, especially when it’s something I already believe.
But mostly, I just want to see them dab.
Admittedly, I haven’t always been a fan of dabbing. When I see Cam Newton do it, for a reason I can’t quite articulate I find it disrespectful to the game. Tickets are already so expensive, and I feel a lot of anxiety about being able to afford Panthers tickets. That’s why it makes me furious when I see Newton dabbing all over the place in celebration. Hey, Buddy, it’s a game! Do your job and play it, but it isn’t meant to be enjoyed that way.
But there are exceptions to every rule, and when Paul Ryan dabs, I find it cute as a button. To my knowledge, no one has ever been hurt while dabbing, so it makes less sense to spend time on healthcare than on a popular dance movement.
I want to feel connected to a politician, because in a way, they’re my employees. Like any good boss, I give them my approval every few years, and then expect them to serve me well without any active input from me.
But it’s important to see your employees have fun at work, which is why I like to see them dab.
Now sometimes, fun and relaxation can get out of hand. I’ve had to put up with a lot of indignities from my staff of officials for eight years. Paging Michelle Obama! Put on some long sleeves for once. Have some respect for the role. You’re here to work, not fool around.
You could take a cue from Mr. Ryan on that front. While the past several Congresses have been among the least productive in history, Mr. Ryan has been working hard to turn that around. He also has found the time to put on long sleeves and to dab. You could learn a thing or two there.
While dabbing originally got its start in the Atlanta hip-hop scene, thankfully it has made its way where it belongs: in the bowls of Congress and on CNN town halls. And I prefer it that way.
Now you may be thinking about me, and why I don’t dab more. It’s a fair question. I actually can’t dab; on account of a pre-existing shoulder condition I receive treatment for. There’s been a lot of blather in the news about healthcare, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.
As long as the people we send to Washington can find the time to dab, I think we’ll all be OK. Our elected officials don’t need to be spending more time discussing with each other how to reach agreed upon goals in a rational way. Bor-ING! And they certainly don’t need me to go a damn town hall and tell them what I think about healthcare. Ain’t nobody got time for that! (Viral)!
They’ll get to those solutions on their own. But in the meantime, we need to make sure to reward them when they appropriate what’s trending and find joy in their hearts to dance. We may have a world order falling apart and a crumbling economic foundation from the actions the new president takes.
But we don’t yet have the one thing we will need to make it through difficult times. A video of Paul Ryan learning to twerk.
Sam Watkins is a former Army Specialist, living in North Carolina. He served without distinction for three tours in Iraq. On several occasions his vehicle inadvertently drove near roadside IEDs, but was deemed “too insignificant” by local insurgents to bother with. He has been honored with several military discounts from local restaurants, and is currently waiting to hear back on a number of opportunities in the Winston-Salem area. When not providing valuable insights on a number of open Facebook threads, he can be found enjoying the company of friends. He is, of course, a Cav Scout.
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